Claustro-PHOBIC...

Speaking of phobias....did you know that there is such a thing as globophobia?

Google it. Wanna know what you'll find?

A fear of:

Ugh...it actually pains me to put this picture up on my blog. 

Hi...my name is Heather, and I am TERRIFIED of balloons. I went to my first farmers market of the season yesterday...which I LOVE by the way. Fresh produce, fun people, great music....ahh what could be better?! I was perusing the mushroom lady's treasures when I heard that dreaded sound behind me. "squeeeeeeeeekkkkyyyy squeek squeeek!" I already knew before I turned around that there was an epic sword fight occurring in my midst between two unassuming children and their twisted/knotted, bright colored, hot air inflated, latex-ey toys of DEATH. Oh man........talk about chest pain. I wearily turned my head, and OF COURSE....of course I know the kids. Freaking Corvallis and it's small town syndrome. My intense desire to run for my life is instantly conflicted with my need to greet friends.

Do you know how hard it is to act normal when your insides are doing summersaults? It took all of my strength not to plug my ears, close my eyes, and BOLT.

I know.

I have a problem.

And yes....I already feel bad for my children.

I'm beginning to feel this similar sense of anxiety about the town of Corvallis. While I absolutely love it here.....it will always be my home of homes.........I am starting to feel like I need to get the eff out.

There are too many walls blocking my way, however.

Lack of money being the largest, most obvious barrier....but then also my whole life goals! MAN! I hate hate hate thinking about shoulda woulda coulda...but this whole taking my time with school thing is really starting to frustrate me. YES I know I only have myself to blame - but dang. It's so much more complicated than that! I just wish I didn't feel so much like I was treading water. I wish I was a nurse already so I could take off without a second thought.

Hello verbal vomit? Who woulda thought that blogging would bring this out of me?

Oh well...I guess I need to realize that I always have options. Patience has never been one of my strong points....EVER....and the last couple years have been a HUGE test of that.

Some days are good, and some days are hard. Such is life right? We hear back soon about who will be in this fall for nursing school.....if I'm not on that list (which I'm preparing to NOT be)...I think I may take some time and flee the country for a bit. Nothing drastic....but maybe a month or so of volunteer work abroad whilst waiting for next year's applications to begin.

I hate feeling so stagnant. It makes me feel small....like I can't breathe.

Like........claustrophobic! 

Which, in turn, reminds me of globophobia...which brings us back to the beginning of this post.

FACT: Balloons are awful.

:) Thanks for reading. Pictures for your enjoyment:

I don't seem to have any newer ones....must have not been a good picture taking few weeks - but here are some fun ones I found.......

This lovely lady is in my last post as well. My grandmother - the best gardener you'd have ever known.

Need proof? My insanely cute little Hallie sitting in a sea of purple petunias.

Probably one of my all time favorite pictures of Laura and I. Our cake is shit, and she is pissed. 

I know what will make her feel better............

Cheer up, Laura - you get to look absolutely ridiculous for halloween!

An INCREDIBLE picture of my mom and I. Look at those legs! Dang mama!

I want to be a farmer....these are seeds my grandmother would start in her greenhouse. I can't wait to grow up and live like this.....

And lastly...just for fun...I once painted my entire body blue. Yeah. Everything. Being a smurf was quite the challenge....

Thanks for letting me vent...as always.

favorite song this week: someone like you, adele