I don't do well with change...never have. It kicks me out of my groove, and I hate it when I'm out of my groove! How do you dance your way back to normalcy?! One day at a time I suppose. Even worse than that, I hate when you KNOW some things in your life have to change and only you can be the person to do it...but you're so stuck in this area of comfortability. I don't want to make any of those decisions. Why can't someone just fix my life up for me eh? Parents?? Where are you!? Don't you want to pay my bills again?? Don't you want to clean my room???? :) I suppose its time to be a grown up. I need to learn that everyone has made sacrifices to get where they are, and I am not above that. It's a very humbling experience. I don't love being humbled. Life is not the perfect sing song time that I want it to be. Things don't just fix themselves....
And not only that...but some things take FOREVER to move forward....(yes I am saying forever like sandlot style).
It's funny (not the most appropriate word) how pieces of your past continue to haunt you despite desperate attempts to move away from them. I went through a pretty ridiculous divorce some time ago now....and when you hear things like "I divorced my wife 10 years ago and STILL get phone calls for her"...they're not lying! I don't love to go into detail about it, but sometimes the things that come up are really............crappy, and even worse, they're surprising. I'm over it. I don't want those surprises anymore. But that's the deal I suppose. Take the good with the bad or the bad with the good, or something....and make the best of it! I don't like to complain...I try to in my journal, but even then I just feel like its a waste of time. So instead, sometimes I get grumpy, sometimes I get really frustrated, sometimes I get sadly pathetically mopey about it all....but I always bounce back.
Here I am...bouncing. :)
As a side note, someone called me hoppy heather the other day after too much coffee. yikes!
Anyhow...I am so grateful though that I have so much love in my life to help me get by. I am sooooooo grateful. Friends help....and surprisingly enough, work helps (when I'm not getting puked on that is, which happened this week for my first time.......grossest thing EVER). Nice distraction, at least. Leaving the past behind can sometimes, for me, be a lot more difficult than it probably should be. I think I'm some kind of hoarder of life. Letting go is HARD! Decisions I've made, although not always timely, are there...and I'll always be working through them. Accepting them, not necessarily because I want to, but because I have to. So.........yeah. Sorry for the sometimes mopey me.....I'll work on that. :) Mkay...enough of that. Gonna go enjoy some sun before all the vitamin D is gone! BYE!
Oh and I'm making hats again (fall makes me all creative and stuff.......)!!
Want one??
GO BEAVS!
1 comment:
Good Hat :)
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